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Like back-alley hair plugs, these films made hazardous inroads into my brain. I would rather eat a dozen eggs raw, swim in medical waste or juggle revving chainsaws than see these movies again. They weren’t just flagrantly mediocre, they were aggressively, sadistically, spitefully BAD!
Back up the Dumpster, here we go: “Speed Racer” tested the limits of human stupidity. M. Night Shyamalan invented new levels of awful with his plants-amok fable “The Happening.” I’ve seen canasta games with more vigor than the Al Pacino thriller “88 Minutes.” Al, at your age, popping your neck veins can’t be medically advisable. Mike Myers’ “The Love Guru” — if I had a nickel for every time I laughed, I’d have a dime. I’m sure we can sue somebody somewhere for Eddie Murphy’s “Meet Dave.” “Max Payne” proved that Mark Wahlberg learned nothing about picking film projects after “The Happening.” And last and least, the shoe-throwingly dreadful “The Spirit.” I think Gabriel Macht would have insisted on wearing a mask even if his character didn’t.
On the other hand, 2008 also gave us ...
The Best Comic Book Film of All Time (So Far): Christopher Nolan’s stirring, stunning Batman tragedy “The Dark Knight.” Heath Ledger’s Joker (above) was cackling madness incarnate, but Aaron Eckhart, Christian Bale, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and Michael Caine all brought their A-games, too. Nolan’s screenplay explores weighty notions of morality, and his direction is both epic and electrifying. If David Lean or Stanley Kubrick had signed on with D.C. Comics, they might have given us a classic like this. Runner-up: “Iron Man.”
Cutest Cartoon: Pixar’s “WALL-E,” which gave us two touchingly human lovers in the form of a rusty trash compactor and a levitating egg. It has the quality of intelligence, craftsmanship and storytelling verve we expect from the world’s finest animation studio, but also breaks the mold in so many ways: the fluid integration of live-action humans and computer-generated environments; the wordless purity of the opening half hour; the satirical bite of its vision of human society as self-indulgent butterballs, with just enough humanity left to change for the better. Sheer delight. Runner-up: “Bolt.”
Best Documentary: “Man on Wire,” a re-creation of Philippe Petit’s 1974 incredible, beautiful, absurd high-wire walk between the towers of New York’s World Trade Center. Deftly balancing pungent portraits of the participants alongside the procedural business of how Petit and crew entered the buildings undetected, rigged the wire and handled the legal fallout, the film conveyed a sense of wonder and adventure worthy of a top-notch thriller. Runner-up: “Waltz With Bashir.”
It’s a happy year when there’s a competition for Best Kate Winslet Movie. In “Revolutionary Road,” she delivers a force-5 hurricane of a performance as a self-destructive housewife in 1960s suburbia. Leonardo DiCaprio gives a career-defining turn as her husband, a callow ad man whose talents are overshadowed by his sense of entitlement. Winslet and DiCaprio deliver devastating X-rays of their characters’ souls, eroding under society’s pressure to conform and their corrosive mutual dissatisfaction. Winslet’s onscreen battles with her co-star have a raw intensity that leaves you feeling scalded. Runner-up: “The Reader.”
Best Political Drama: “Milk.” In a superb portrait of the first openly gay candidate elected to significant public office in the United States, Sean Penn captured the man in full. Politically brave yet personally insecure, Harvey Milk begins as an idealistic outsider, becomes a canny operator and eventually turns just a bit nasty when he attains a degree of power. Director Gus Van Sant never presents him as a candidate for sainthood, simply a man ably serving a long-ignored constituency. Runner-up: “Valkyrie.”
Best Underdog Movie: Mickey Rourke’s slam-bang resurrection in “The Wrestler.” Though his face resembles a plate of pounded Play-Doh, it remains a remarkably expressive instrument. As a washed-up grappler pushing his broken-down body for one last shot at glory, Rourke gives us a “Rocky” for the millennium. Marisa Tomei does exemplary work as well, bringing real humanity to the cliche part of an aging stripper with a heart of gold. Runner-up: “Synecdoche, New York.”
Best Technical Achievement: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” starring Brad Pitt as a changeling who ages in reverse. Director David Fincher presents a cavalcade of astonishing images, especially in the early passages that show tiny, elderly Benjamin growing up in Jazz Age New Orleans. More impressive, Fincher uses his digital legerdemain prudently, to advance the story, not to call attention to his groundbreaking effects. Runner-up: “Iron Man.”
