Advertisement
“I Don’t Know” and “Not Me” seem to delight in leaving my refrigerator door open all day, forgetting ice cream cones on the counter, using the last of my shampoo, making ink marks on my leather furniture and ripping out the window screens. My children initially seem stumped when asked who is responsible for these crimes, then confidently blame it on “I Don’t Know” or “Not Me.” Is there a way to make these two hooligans become extinct while somehow getting kids to snap out of their identity crisis and be accountable for the things they do?
Using your child’s name in the same sentence as the words “reliable” and “accountable” may at times sound like an oxymoron. Teaching children to be accountable for what they say and do, though, is an important part of raising responsible and conscientious kids. This often is easier said than done because some kids simply give no thought to how their actions affect others, or adopt an “all about me” attitude and disregard feelings of responsibility for what they do. Besides, who needs to come clean when “Not Me” is so easy to blame?
To begin the journey toward accountability, point out repercussions from your child’s actions. If “Not Me” drank the last of the milk, point out how that affects a sibling’s ability to dunk a cookie or eat some cereal. Make your child aware that if he fails to walk the dog, Rover suffers. If he doesn’t replace the toilet paper, the next person is in a jam. If he left homework at school, someone has to drive him back to get it. Pointing out that actions have consequences and linking them together will help “Not Me” understand how others are impacted by his choices. It is also a good idea to discuss how “Not Me” feels after leaving other people in a bind.
Another component to accountability is learning to be reliable. Other people need to feel they can depend and rely upon your child. For example, if “Not Me” wants to sign up for a team, troop or group, do not let him drop out once interest dies. Teach “Not Me” that committing to an activity is important because other members are anticipating and expecting his participation. Quitting before the season or commitment is over or not showing up lets others down. Whether joining a sport, being part of a group assignment or starting a job, being reliable is important because it allows others to develop confidence and trust in “Not Me.” Also, becoming reliable will demonstrate accountability for his decision to join the activity.
Give your kids opportunities to become accountable by assigning responsibilities. It’s a kick! Let them know they are in charge of mowing the lawn, taking out trash, doing dishes or some other task. Make them aware that you are relying on them to get it done. Hold them accountable and establish a reward, such as allowance or recognition, for making a good choice or a consequence for not fulfilling responsibilities. Be sure to discuss how meeting responsibilities is necessary to keep the family running smoothly and how neglecting them impacts everyone. As kids learn responsibility, accountability will follow.
Enforce honesty as the best policy. Expect your kids to be truthful when asked if they broke a window or spilled nail polish on the carpet. Explain that you will still dish out consequences, but they will be less severe than if they lie about their mistakes or misjudgments.
As always, set a good example by being accountable yourself. If you make a promise to your kids, follow through with it. Admit when you make mistakes, and demonstrate reliability by being there when they need you.
Help your kids learn to step up to the plate and take responsibility for what they have said, done or forgotten to do. Learning the art of accountability will help them act and make decisions with thoughtful consideration. And then, you can rely on “Not Me” becoming somebody great.
