A hurricane’s worth of political hot air
By Jerome Christenson / Winona Daily News

Well now that Hurricane Gustav missed New Orleans and has pretty much blown itself out we’d best brace ourselves for the blast of hot air about to hit St. Paul. Denver is still digging out from the load of B.S. deposited on that town last week, but as an old cow town they’re pretty much used to that. Don’t worry about them.

I’m just glad to see the conventions come to town. Heck, they’re even better TV than the Olympics — no matter what, you know the winner is going to be an American, and, let me tell ya, this season has produced a crop of real winners.
It looks like this will be the big week for the Cranky Old Guy. It says something about how low Dick and Dubya’s stock has fallen that a guy who brags that he doesn’t get along with them or most other Republicans is at the top of the ticket.

Of course the Democrats are fond of pointing out that John and George have an awful lot in common — right down to both of them being fighter jocks, even though Bush the Younger didn’t go through nearly as many airplanes as the admiral’s son. But in the long run, that propensity for falling out of the sky looks to be serving him well — to the point where he may well be the first presidential candidate to owe his nomination to a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft crew.

Of course, if McCain’s one election away from being First Curmudgeon, his opponent is running hard to be the First Black Kennedy.

I’m a little bit bothered that we’ve come to have a presidential candidate who’s already had to convince the country he’s more qualified to redecorate the Oval Office than Paris Hilton, and I’ve heard rumors of a special appropriations bill pending for the Department of Education to fund on-the-job training if Obama is elected.

I have to admit to being just a bit leery of the Obama litany of change, change, change. I’ve been around long enough to realize the only times change is always good is when you’re dealing with flat tires, full diapers and needy parking meters. When it comes to change, you’d best be careful of what you wish for — remember Saddam, the budget surplus and Constitutional guarantees and how Dubya changed all that.

And if the presidential candidates could be more presidential, the number twos really need to try harder. Over the years, Joe Biden has run for president with a regularity John McCain envies. Joe’s made a good living as senator from Delaware, and when squabble-prone politicians get together, he often seems to be called upon to play the role of responsible adult. But as any kid will tell you, nobody much likes responsible adults. At least nobody will mistake him for Paris Hilton.

The presumptive Republican vice presidential nominee may not be so fortunate. The Cranky Old Guy’s already had a trophy wife, now he has a trophy running mate.

Who’d a thunk it — the GOP’s running Barbie for vice president. C’mon, out of all the country’s Republicans — 23 governors, 49 U.S. senators, 15 Cabinet secretaries, 199 members of Congress — the former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska — population 6,715, moose not included — is the individual most qualified to be a 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency? Did anybody tell Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani or First Brother Jeb?

Heck, if Big John was looking for a former small town mayor and one term-governor with broadcast experience — Jesse “the Vice President” Ventura was available. He may not be a former beauty queen, but “The Body” did cut quite a figure in a feather boa.

We’re told this is a serious candidacy, that Gov. Sarah Palin’s ideas are really appealing to the GOP base — and her public profile has a certain appeal to the baser sort of College Republicans.

She’s big on family values and has a lifetime membership in the NRA — though the performance of Dick Cheney and Aaron Burr demonstrate that vice presidents and firearms make a bad combination — however, in Gov. Palin’s case, that proficiency may come in handy in preparation for what may be the first White House shotgun wedding on record.

But she has McCain’s confidence in her ability to fill the big shoes left by her vice presidential predecessors — Spiro Agnew, Dan Quayle, Richard Nixon …

At least Gustav missed New Orleans. The country still has a place to drown its sorrows.

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler!

Contact Jerome Christenson at (507) 453-3500 or jchristenson@winonadailynews.com. For Jerome’s comments on this, that and something else check out “Up on the wrong side of the bed” at www.rivervalleyblogs.com/jerome/ or go to www.winonadailynews.com.

.

More: Look hard: There’s plenty to be thankful for Things used to feel more socially secure Winter is bearable with free TV programs Painting the White House pink Where is Joe the Plumber when you really need him?

Advertisement