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I celebrated my birthday not too long ago. It was a low key affair. A day off and dinner at a decent restaurant, hardly the rock-star blowout I had last year.
Last year, my birthday was spent in a bungalow at the Hilton in Dahab, Egypt. I had intended to spend it climbing Mount Sinai, but life happens and instead it was spent watching movies, ordering room service, clearing out the mini-bar and lying in a hammock.
My utter bliss came to a screeching halt when, just as I managed to fall asleep in my hammock, the scary bug spray machine came rolling by sending me running back into my room in a coughing fit that lasted the better part of 15 minutes.
Looking back, it was a great day and if not more memorable, certainly more enjoyable than climbing a mountain single file with a couple hundred other people.
It’s taken me 32 years, but I finally realized that there is a lot to be said for taking the low-key route.
So many times, I have spent planning where I want to be on my birthday, and I have finally realized that the best ones have been spent with family and loved ones doing nothing more than enjoying a good meal and good conversation.
I have learned to stop worrying about whether or not one day turns out as fabulous as planned just because it is the anniversary of my birth. Now I spend my time making sure that every day is as fabulous as can be.
I’ve learned lots of other things over the years and have finally come to terms with the fact that life doesn’t always turn out as planned. Sometimes, it turns out way better than you can ever dream. I always assumed that I would be married at this point in my life. Married with children in school and loving my life as a mother.
Now, I find that plan quite amusing as I still can’t imagine myself being grown-up enough to have my own children. It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I’ve still got a lot to do before I’m ready to settle down. I came to this realization at one of my old jobs.
There I was working with a bunch of twenty-somethings and I couldn’t fathom the fact that although most of them were younger than me, their biological clocks were ticking twice as loud and fast as mine was. I was planning the adventure of a lifetime, and they were all looking to settle down, get married and have babies.
I’ve learned enough about life to realize that just because I’m planning on doing a lot more before I settle down, it doesn’t mean that life won’t come careening toward me and knock both me and my well laid plans for a loop.
I know that Mr. Right may never come along and I may not have to worry about settling down at all. I know that I don’t care what other people think and can laugh hysterically with my friends when the new girl at work looks at me with incredulity and says “You’re not even married!” and then implies that I must have children old enough to drive by now. I can laugh because I just got carded at the casino and even if I didn’t, I can still laugh at her attempt to make me feel bad about myself.
I know that it’s dangerous for me to volunteer at Mother Teresa’s orphanage.
I also know that I will feel way better about myself after spending a week there rather than if I spent it on the beaches of Goa. I know that I could come home with a baby from that orphanage and not waste one moment on regret, so really it’s not that dangerous after all.
I’ve learned to live with my mistakes and to learn from them. I’ve learned to embrace my age and stop lying about it and my weight, because there is always going to be someone younger, thinner, prettier and smarter.
I’ve learned not to care about that girl. I’ve learned not to be jealous of her and I’ve learned that I can be friends with her. I’ve also learned that nine times out of 10, she is more insecure than most everyone I know. I’ve also learned that she is not aloof and snobbish but rather painfully shy.
I’m still learning to follow my impulses and do things that might be a little bit scary, like letting a guy know that I’m interested in him. (Not scary for some, a little bit scary for most, terrifying for me.) Flirting is one thing, laying it out on the line quite another altogether.
But, I’ve learned that I will always regret the things I didn’t do way more than the ones I did. My mom told me that one time when I was too embarrassed to dance in the twist contest with my brother. And as we’ve all learned: Mother is always right.
Donna Strumski is a thirtysomething traveler who has a passion for both Bollywood and chocolate.
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