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It’s only been a month since a snowmobile accident took the life of his 44-year-old father, Doug Heim.
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Now, Jeff feels like he’s out on the mat wrestling for his father — winning one for dad.
It’s a nice thought, getting to state, winning state, all to honor Dad.
But getting through the day is hard enough. Trying to study, wrestle, do anything “normal” doesn’t feel right.
It’s a nice gesture when he hears, “We hope you win state,” from opponents, fans or anyone who supports him, but that’s a lot of pressure on any wrestler.
Jeff, a St. Charles High School senior, is still having a hard time believing his dad is gone. Thinking about anything but that is nearly impossible.
It’s all starting to hit him.
“The past couple of matches, since Dad passed away, it’s been hard,” Jeff said. “I’ve broken down in practice. (Wednesday), I had to leave early.”
Wrestling is just another reminder of his dad. Doug was a 1982 St. Charles graduate and, like Jeff, played football and wrestled.
Dad wrestled with Jeff and his older brother, Ben, when they were younger. As Jeff got older and more into wrestling, dad would offer advice.
“Doug would show him moves,” said Jeff’s mom, Jackie.
She laughed recalling the memories of Doug’s wrestling career — Doug wasn’t the greatest wrestler.
“People would always tease (Doug), saying he was looking at the lights a lot when he was wrestling,” Jackie said.
So, maybe it was more like Jeff, 17, would show his dad some moves. Either way, they bonded.
Now, on the mat, it is becoming a reality.
“In matches, it gets to me early,” Jeff said. “I can’t think about wrestling. I can see Dad up there looking at me. I can hear my dad when I wrestle, like a flashback. He and my mom were the only ones I could hear when I was wrestling (before), but now, I can still hear my dad yelling. When mom comes down after a match, there’s just something missing, but I can see him there, talking, giving me his distinct handshake, slapping my hand, grabbing and giving it two shakes.”
Jeff was the last person to hear his father talk.
On Dec. 23, Doug and two of his friends were snowmobiling through Elba, Minn. Doug hit a tree.
“The wind was blowing hard,” said Steve Ball, Doug’s longtime friend who was snowmobiling with him that day. “I don’t know exactly what happened. We were coming out of Elba, coming up to my house and he hit a tree.”
When Jeff got the call from his mom, he was leaving Elba and the helicopter had landed. Medics already revived Doug when Jeff arrived.
“I ran out there, but they wouldn’t let me through,” Jeff said. “I yelled, ‘That’s my dad!’ I jumped in the ambulance, Dad was real loopy, saying ‘yeah’ a lot. He said his back hurt.”
Doug was rushed to Gundersen Lutheran Medical Center in La Crosse, Wis. He was there nearly a week, never conscious, before he passed away.
“It was so sudden,” Jeff said. “It was like a nightmare. Recently, I’ve been having dreams he’s back, and I’d wake up and be like, ‘He’s back.’”
The memories nearly brought Jeff to the brink of quitting, though he knows that will never happen.
“If I quit wrestling, I would never forgive myself,” he said. “But there is so much pressure. People will say you have to win state. It’s inspirational. They mean it in a good way, but what if I don’t win, don’t place, don’t even go? I know wrestling is the passion of my life. If I make state, great. If I place, even better. But what the coaches and I have been talking about is wrestling your hardest and having fun. I just want to wrestle for fun.”
Jackie and Doug, high school sweethearts who were to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary in July, went to just about every one of Jeff’s matches. And when they went, they weren’t just watching, they were cheering.
It’s different now, of course, but Jackie is still there to support her son.
“It’s hard for me to go back into the gym,” she said, breaking down. “I don’t have my best friend to talk to and be proud of Jeff with anymore.”
But Jackie has found new comfort in Ben at her side, the two watching Jeff together, cheering him on.
“Ben is so proud of his brother,” she said.
Despite how hard everything has become, Jeff knows wrestling has been more of a help to him, than a burden.
The reminders of his father are both difficult and comforting. There are things Jeff never wants to forget. Doug yelling moves as Jeff maneuvers around his opponent. His dad yelling, “Pin him!”
Everyone seemed to know Doug Heim. Not just because he was the loud dad yelling in the crowd, but because he was an out-going guy who did anything for anyone.
Doug’s brother Greg said, “He lived life to the fullest. He was kind to everybody, friends with anybody. He would go out of his way to help whoever.”
“Big Mike” Heim, Doug’s cousin, said, “If you didn’t know Doug by the time you walked in the room, you would and he’d know you and everything about you. Doug was Doug. He was quite a character.”
When the floods last August hit Southeast Minnesota, Doug wasn’t working on his home in St. Charles. He was in Elba, helping everyone else.
“He had a big heart,” Jackie said. “He was always helping people. When that flood came, he was out helping every day for a few weeks.”
Some people say Jeff looks a lot like his dad.
“For sure,” Jeff said. “And that’s a good thing. He’s a good-looking guy.”
But more than looking like his father, Jeff wants to be like his dad.
“My dad is the guy who’d give his shirt off his back for anyone,” Jeff said. “If someone needed a favor, he’d do it. I hope to be just like him.”
The love for Doug was obvious at his wake.
“It was the biggest they ever had,” Jeff said. “Over 900 people showed up. They sat outside for 3 to 4 hours in below-zero temperatures just to support us.”
It’s helped Jeff realize he wants to coach when he’s done wrestling. That decision didn’t come because Jeff’s team supported him, he said he wants to coach because the entire wrestling community supported him — even his opponents.
Of course, he still wants to get to state, though the road there may be hard. He is ranked No. 2 in Class 1A at 135 pounds.
His state run was cut short last year when a knee cartilage tear ended his season right before sections.
Jeff beat the two wrestlers that went on to state during the season.
The loss of his father has taught Jeff about teamwork, about his family and himself, and about the importance of community.
“My dad touched so many people, it’s unbelievable,” Jeff said.
And maybe no one more so than his son.
