Finding out how little we miss TV

“We’re in the middle of an experiment this week. We’re finding out how long television can go on without anything to say.” — Steve Inskeep, morning anchor, National Public Radio, on the television writers strike

I really hoped this strike would be more effective, but Howie Mandel is still playing “pick a suitcase” and there’s a national network still playing the pimp for a poor, rich bachelor who can’t seem to get a date.
C’mon folks, hit the picket lines. Let’s shut it down.

I suppose that coming from a long line of folks for whom having stock options meant getting to choose between hogs or cattle, I’ve always felt more akin to Joe Hill than James J. When I hear of a strike, I instinctively side with the folks drawing the paycheck and root for them getting what they need before their kids miss too many meals or I miss the work they’re suddenly not doing.

It doesn’t take long for the public to get wind of the issues when the garbage men walk out, and if the guys who empty the porta-johns go on strike, it won’t be long until there’s a big stink as a result. But when the folks responsible for putting “Cavemen” on the air hit the bricks, from the standpoint of public inconvenience, it’s more akin to having the telemarketer’s union hang it up.

As far as I’m concerned, this is one strike that has to go on a long, long time to get my attention. For the immediate future, it sounds like the networks will just show reruns, which means I won’t be watching a bunch of TV shows I haven’t watched already. I guess I can live with that.

As for the three or four I do tune in, it’ll just seem like summer’s come a bit earlier this year — only I won’t have to mow the lawn on Saturday.

But then, I seriously wonder if most people will really notice. Consider this, a bit of last night’s supper that didn’t sit just right kept me open-eyed straight through the news and into Leno — who was, as usual, cracking wise about George W. and Hillary before sitting down to chat with Britney Spears about her latest trip through the tabloids. I hate to admit that he was just about to cut to the first commercial before I remembered the writers’ strike had shuttered the “Tonight Show” a week ago and the all jokes about the news of the day had been taped four years ago.

It makes me think that if Ted Turner would just colorize “I Love Lucy” they could put it on as a new show. If it wasn’t for all the cigarettes, nobody would notice.

Thinking of all of this must make it really tough to keep up morale out there on the picket lines. Let’s face it, even Mother Jones would have been slow in mounting the barricades just to keep “The Biggest Loser” in current episodes. People thinking about going out on strike do well to consider whether anyone will care if they are on strike — a moment of contemplation that keeps me showing up for work on a daily basis. By that measure, folks who put out political ads had best be happy little worker bees, because it’s a slam-dunk that if they walked off the job, there isn’t a person not on a campaign payroll who wouldn’t push for a hold-out at least until next November.

Around my house, the only way we’d notice a broccoli-picker’s strike would be in the improved flavor of cheese soup. A couple of years ago, pro hockey shut down for a whole year when the players and owners got caught up in a greedier-than-thou contest, only to give up on it when they realized that darn-near nobody noticed, and even fewer cared. Now granted, not every strike leader can wield the kind of weapon Aristophanes’ heroine Lysistrata had in — er — hand when she led the women of Athens on a bedroom boycott to bring a war to an end (too bad Laura and Lynne weren’t classical scholars, but we digress), but shutting down network TV inflicts about the same damage as a rent strike by homeless people.

Now if we could just get Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly to join that picket line the national IQ would go up 10 points.

Contact Jerome Christenson at

jchristenson@winonadailynews.com.

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