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Such as refilling salt shakers with Equal packets from the table, snorting crumbs through straws, dropping full glasses of water just in time for patrons to slip and trip, or turning soft candlelight into bonfires.
The fun, however, doesn’t stop there. Entertainment seems to become competitive between different tables with children. Table number one is vying for the loudest belch award, table number two competing for most broken dishes and table three for loudest screaming child. No wonder the take-out menu is so popular.
Dining out with kids may seem like more work than just slaughtering your own cow, skinning and serving it for dinner. Taking time to pack snacks, entertainment, and get kids ready only to watch them spill their food and order the same chicken nuggets you have at home may make you wonder why you even tried.
Believe it or not, dining with kids can also be fun. Kids who behave at the table without spilling, slurping or screaming don’t have to come from mail-order catalogs. The trick is to simply do some advance planning.
Try practicing restaurant behaviors at home. You will never be able to teach table manners, silence burps and intercept flying forks at a restaurant if your kids are allowed to act this way at your house. Pick one night of the week to eat by candlelight, with real dishes and napkins in laps. Then, on the way to the restaurant, refresh memories by reviewing manners and expectations.
Try dining before the rush and calling ahead to secure a table. Alert the staff you will be dining with children. This is usually appreciated, as waitstaff generally prefer placing tables with kids in out of the way spots, like the rooftop.
Avoid dining at fancy, kid resistant restaurants. These places offer little entertainment for kids, leaving them to create their own. And we all know what that means.
This is not to say you are limited to restaurants with clowns who hand out balloons, crayons and petrified chicken strips. Instead, find a place with background noise to help drown out yours, that tolerates kids bringing entertainment and has a friendly waitstaff.
Set yourself up for a happy meal. This means do not take starving children out to a restaurant. They will be whinier. Do not go if your chidren are overly tired, as they will be less tolerant. Do not go if they are sad, arguing, pouting, agitated, thirsty, full, gassy, sick or if they have lost their favorite shoes, Game Boy, if they are giddy, hyper or otherwise not in the mood.
Do not make a big deal about dressing up for the experience. Many kids are not comfortable in stuffy shirts or pants with tight buttons. Most restaurants have relaxed dress codes. If your kids enjoy dressing up, however, let them enjoy their night on the town.
Do bring snacks to help them get through the wait for food, but not so many that they become full. Also, bring quiet entertainment such as books, crayons, cards or Spider-Man to keep busy while waiting. Pack your own necessities, such as bibs, sippycups or baby foods. If children become upset, begin screaming or crying, take them outside for your sake and the sake of other diners.
Eliminate potential temptations by clearing candles, squirt bottles, salt shakers and extra cups and knives from your table.
When ordering food, avoid the Peking duck, which takes an extra 24 hours preparation. Instead, stick to quicker options.
Even though kids prefer familiar foods, encourage a new experience like splitting an adult entrée. This will likely be healthier also.
If, despite these tips, you have a meltdown on your hands that is only escalating, laugh it off, get your order to go and try again later. Kids are not always predictable, and sometimes we just have to be flexible.
Lastly, don’t forget to tip well when dining with kids. Tables with little ones are often messier and require more trips to the kitchen for your waiter. Let him know you appreciate his efforts.
Relaxing over steak and lobster after a long week may sound appetizing. When dining with kids, however, being prepared and opting for simpler fare may be more satisfying.
Ann-Marie Berg is a pediatric nurse practitioner and freelance writer whose work appears in other newspapers. She can be reached at amhberg@mchsi.com.
